Lose Who You Are
by Lieselot
Summary: Three years after Edward and the Cullens left Bella, Rosalie, Esme and Alice are taking a girls week off in Seattle. What happened when they come across Bella, but she is nothing like the girl they remember. She's broken, and it's all their fault. Will they be able to save her from the abyss she's fallen into, or will she lose herself in it completely?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The Discovery**

"Oh, it's so good to have some private time with my girls again," Esme rejoiced, one arm around Alice' shoulders, the other around Rosalie's. Alice and Rosalie eyed each other, nodded and both smiled at Esme. This whole week had been arranged especially for her.

After they had left Forks, left _her_, the family had tried to stay together, but it had soon fallen apart. It started with Edward – he left only two months after the move; he couldn't stand to be around anyone at that time. Jasper soon after followed, his guilt consuming him. And where Jasper went, so did Alice. For a while, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie stayed together, but then Rosalie and Emmett left as well – Rosalie had been so angry that they had let a human tear their family apart and with no one to turn her anger on, she'd turned it on Carlisle, and soon Emmett took her away as well.

For two long years the family remained separated, not a single one in contact with the other. Edward was the first to come back and beg Carlisle and Esme's forgiveness for what he'd done – they had granted it immediately, off course. They tracked down Alice and Jasper not long after. The last ones to come back were Rosalie and Emmett. They all agreed that no matter what happened, they wouldn't separate again.

But it had been hard on Esme, losing all of her surrogate children; it reminded her too much of the child she had lost as a human. So for the entire time they had been gone, she had been depressed, despite Carlisle's best efforts to bring her out of it.

So the entire family, sans Esme, had devised a plan to show Esme how much they truly cared for her. First, the boys had taken her on an all week hunting trip, and simply conveying their love for her. Even Edward had gone with them, though he usually locked himself in his room for weeks at a time, moping about, missing Bella.

This week it was the girl's turn. They had chosen Seattle because there were some great art dealers in the area, and they knew how much Esme loved art. It was their third day on the trip when it happened. In hindsight, it shouldn't have been such a surprise, as close to Forks as they were.

They were walking down one of the shadier streets – the kind normal human people avoided out of fear of being robbed… or worse – when Alice first smelled the scent and paused in her tracks.

"It can't be," She whispered, but she knew it was true. She hadn't smelled that scent in over three years, and if she was smelling it now, it could only mean one thing.

"What is it, Alice?" Esme cast her concerned gaze upon the girl she thought of as a daughter. Said daughter turned haunted eyes upon her surrogate mother.

"Can't you smell her?" Alice turned her gaze back upon the streets and started to scan them for whatever it was she was looking for. Rosalie caught on to the scent then, as did Esme a few seconds later.

"No!" Rosalie growled. Esme remained quiet, but had she been human, she would have most likely been crying.

"It's her, isn't it? It's Bella?" Alice said, then everything between the 3 vampires went quiet while they listened and searched. Finally, Alice' gaze rested upon a thin, frail body about 30 feet from them. All of them, even Rosalie, were shocked by what they saw and heard. But there was no doubt about it. It was Bella.

Her hair was longer and dirty, matted with grease. She must have lost at least 30 pounds since they last saw her. Her ribs were visible. She was wearing a short, black skirt, a flaming red tank top that left little to imagination and a pair of sneakers. The outfit was finished off with a heavy coating of make-up, large silver hoop earrings and a silver beaded necklace. But the worst part was the track marks they could see running up and down her arms, and the conversation she was having with a man in one of the parked cars.

"How much for the whole package?" The sleazy man asked in a gruff tone of voice.

"250 for all the normal stuff. Kink costs extra," Bella's voice was hollow, emotionless. It was as if she was dead inside.

The vampires looked at each other in shock; they didn't need to hear more to know what this conversation was about. They knew what Bella was doing here, the kind of person she appeared to be now. Not only did it appear she'd become a drug addict, but she'd become a prostitute as well. It was unthinkable, yet it was true.

Alice didn't even stop to think what about how her family would feel about her decision, she just decided. She had to help Bella. She couldn't leave her like this. Despite everything, Bella was still her sister. Her best friend. She'd do anything for her. So she ran. She ran to Bella faster than the human eye could perceive. Less than a second later, she was standing before Bella. She called out her name.

Bella looked up, her eyes widened slightly, but then she shook her head and returned to her dealings with the man as if Alice wasn't even there. Alice pressed on.

"Bella, don't do this."

"Would you get out of here, girl. I'm trying to make a deal here," The man said, swiping a hand in Alice' direction. She resisted the urge to growl at the man. But it seemed the man had been useful after all; he'd gotten a reaction out of Bella.

Bella turned her glazed, shock filled eyes upon Alice, as if seeing her for the first time. "You can see her?" She demanded of the man, a crazed tone in her voice.

"Well o' course I can see her. I got eyes," he huffed.

Bella turned her deadened eyes upon Alice once more, giving her a good once over. She seemed to think some things over and must have decided something, because when she turned back to the man, she told him that the deal was off and to get lost. The man cursed at her, called her several horrific names (none which seemed to faze Bella) and sped off in search of another hooker to spend the night with.

"You're really here," Bella said once she turned back to Alice. Her voice was as flat as it had been every time Alice had heard her speak that night. Alice simply nodded.

"You're real?" It came out more as a question than a statement, and Alice nodded in the affirmative once more.

"Are you alone?" Bella asked, scanning the streets for others, but not seeing much through her drug induced haze.

"Esme and Rosalie are here as well. Do you want to see them?" Alice asked tentatively, holding out her hand for Bella to take. She seemed very hesitant, but eventually Alice' pleading eyes seemed to win her over. Alice frowned when she could feel the bones protruding from Bella's skin. She was so thin. Too thin.

As Rosalie and Esme had come closer when Alice had run to Bella, they didn't have to walk far, only a few steps.

"Oh Bella." Esme looked ready to sob if she had been able to. She ached for the daughter she'd had to leave behind, the daughter that appeared before her completely ruined now. Rosalie stewed in her anger over the girl, as usual, but said nothing.

Then Alice asked the question that was on everyone's mind. "Bella, sweetie, what happened to you?" But none were prepared for the anger that appeared in Bella's eyes, the first emotion she'd shown since they'd first laid eyes upon her.

"What happened?" She hissed, turning accusatory eyes upon them. "As if you don't know. You know everything, after all. But who cares, right? I was just your pet!" She sighed and looked away. "Now I'm everybody's pet," she said so quietly human ears wouldn't have been able to pick it up, but they did. The anger they'd seen moments earlier had seemingly evaporated, leaving in place that same dead, empty look from before. It was honestly terrifying.

"You're coming with us, Bella. And no arguing, you can't win against us anyway." Alice decided, and with one swift move she lifted Bella into her arms and started to run, Esme and Rosalie right on her trail. Bella didn't make a single sound in protest or otherwise.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: First Talk**

Bella never made a sound the entire time they were running. It disturbed the three vampires that she could be _that_ quiet. It didn't take them long to reach the house they had rented out for the week.

Once they were inside, Alice carried Bella up to the bedroom, laid her on the bed and tucked her in under the covers. Alice could see Bella was dead on her feet and they wouldn't get anything out of her until she'd rested.

"This is a dream," Bella whispered, her unfocused eyes trying to find Alice but not succeeding very well. Alice gently rubbed soothing circles on the back of Bella's hand.

"No Bella. This is real. Rest now, we'll talk later." Bella didn't respond, but she did do as Alice said and closed her eyes so she could rest. Alice gazed sadly upon the broken figure that was once her best friend, then headed downstairs to talk to her family.

"How is she?" Esme asked as soon as she saw Alice. Esme felt terribly guilty for what Bella had become. She knew that if they'd never left, her daughter wouldn't be a broken shell of a person now.

"Sleeping. She'll wake in a few hours." Alice tried to look further ahead in the future but couldn't see anything of worth. All she saw was Bella waking from her sleep, confused.

"We shouldn't have brought her with us, Alice! She's not out concern!" Rosalie hissed, fury shining in her topaz colored eyes.

"Rosalie, mind your tongue! Bella is here now and she needs our help. We can't just turn our backs on her," Esme scolded her, but Rosalie wasn't going down without a fight. In her mind, this human had ruined her family once and she wasn't about to let it happen again.

"She chose this life! She did this to herself! We owe her nothing!" It happened so fast it was barely a blur. Rosalie had barely finished a rant when a loud smack sounded throughout the room and her head was tilted sideways. Alice had hit her. Sweet, loving, kind Alice who never harmed anyone hit Rosalie. It was enough to shut her up for a moment.

"_We _did this to her Rose, not her! If we hadn't left, she'd be happy. She'd be one of us! But we left and now this is what's become of her, so don't try to fool yourself into thinking otherwise. _We _are responsible for this and _we_ have to fix it." Alice hardly ever lost her temper, but when she did, she was a creature to be feared and Rosalie knew it.

"How can we help her?" Esme interrupted the stony silence that had descended after Alice' speech.

"Well, first we'll have to get her off the drugs. She doesn't have any on her right now, so we don't have to be worried about her taking more. She'll probably go into withdrawals soon. It won't be pretty."

"You can see it?" Rosalie, of all people, asked. It seemed Alice' speech had done more than quiet her. Maybe she'd even be willing to help Bella no. Alice shook her head.

"I've heard Carlisle talk about it. From what he said, she'll have horrible shaking episodes, puking episodes and a whole barrel of mental breakdowns. I can't know for sure though, I still haven't seen anything beyond her waking up soon." Alice said as she flung herself down on the couch. There wasn't much to do now but wait for Bella to wake up, and meanwhile reflect on their own guilt.

They sat in absolute silence for over an hour before Alice announced it was time. Bella was waking up. They all headed upstairs and converged in Bella's room, all unsure of what would happen once they woke up. As long as Alice didn't see it, they would be going into the situation blind and they didn't like that.

Bella moaned as she started to stir from her sleep. She blinked her eyes several times before she sat up and saw who was before her. She seemed confused, blinking rapidly as if trying to shake their image from her mind. She bit her bottom lip, a common Bella trait, they remembered, as she gazed at them.

"Am I dreaming?" She wondered; she didn't address them, probably thinking they weren't real.

"Bella, it's me Alice. You're not dreaming. We found you in the street and brought you here, remember?" Alice desperately wanted to approach Bella and give her a hug, but she didn't want to scare her, so she stayed a comfortable distance away, her hands raised slightly as if to show she didn't mean any harm.

"Why are you here? Why am I here?" Bella directed her question at Rosalie for some reason. She seemed to avoid looking at Esme and Alice now that she knew they were real.

"You need help." Rosalie simply stated in a flat tone; at least she didn't say she wouldn't help Bella. It was a start if nothing else.

Bella shook her head in denial, "I don't need help. I'm perfectly fine and if you'll excuse me I need to get back to work." She moved to get off the bed and leave, but Alice was there to stop her before she'd even swung her leg out of the bed. Bella turned her head away from Alice.

"You're not going anywhere Bella. You'll need all the help you can get, especially since you'll start craving soon. First we'll get those drugs out of your system, then we'll talk." Alice' stilled and seemed to look past everything for a moment before nodding to herself, "Yes, that'll work."

"You can't tell me what to do! I'm not your pet anymore, remember?" Bella hissed, yanking her hand away from Alice. Esme looked extremely hurt to hear Bella say that.

"Oh Bella, you were never our pet. Surely you must know that?" Esme tried to reason with her, but Bella stubbornly closed her eyes and refused to look at anyone.

Alice spoke in a tone too low for Bella to hear, "She won't say anything else until she starts to get the cravings and that won't be for 3 more hours. All she'll do then is beg for the drugs. She won't talk until they're out of her system, I can see that much."

Rosalie and Alice moved to leave the room; they would come back when it was time. Esme, however, insisted on staying with Bella, even if she wouldn't say anything. She refused to leave her again.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, I loved them. Also, sorry for the short chapter, but I think I'll be updating again tomorrow or at the latest the day after, so that should redeem me, I hope. I hope you like it. Sorry nothing much happens yet, but things will start happening in the next chapter. I think you'll even find out how Bella came to be like this in the the next chapter, so that's something to look forward to. Cya then ;)**_

* * *

**Chapter 3: D-TOX **

Three hours after their conversation – just as Alice had predicted – Bella started craving another hit. At first she just seemed jittery, twitching often, wringing her hands together unable to keep still. Esme and Alice tried to help her while Rosalie stubbornly remained at the sidelines.

Alice helped Bella take a bath, hoping it would sooth her unease a bit, and it seemed to be working for a while. But as soon as Bella was cleaned up and back in the room, the cravings seemed to return at full force – it didn't take long for Bella to start her begging.

It went on for hours. She begged, pleaded and screamed, but no one would budge. No one would give her what she wanted, what she needed. As a last resort she threatened to expose them if they didn't give her what she craved. Rosalie hissed at her when she said this, but Esme and Alice continued on as if they didn't hear her. Even as changed as she was now, they knew she would never expose them. If she wanted to, she'd have done so a long time ago.

Eventually Bella lost the fight inside her and gave up. She curled up into a ball, sobbing as tremors wracked her lithe frame. Esme tried to give her some comfort with a wet wash cloth; they didn't know what else they could do to help her.

It didn't take long for Bella to cry herself into a fitful sleep.

"How long will this last, Alice?" Esme never took her eyes off Bella as she conversed with her daughter.

It was silent for a few moments before Alice spoke, "The worst will be over in about two days. It'll get a whole lot worse before it gets better, though."

"I still don't understand why you care so much for a weak human who obviously doesn't give a damn about herself," Rosalie muttered, trying to keep the anger from her voice. Alice stiffened, Esme glared, but neither said anything in response. Either Rosalie would come around by herself or she wouldn't. Nothing either of them said would change that.

Bella was in and out of consciousness for the next two days. She cried, screamed, begged, threw up countless times and shivered uncontrollably. It was heartbreaking to watch.

Eventually the cries and screams faded into nothingness. Her stomach settled down and the tremors lessened, although they didn't go away all together.

When Bella woke up, lucid for the first time in two days, everyone was with her in the room. Off course they hadn't left since she'd gone into d-tox, not even Rosalie.

Once again, Bella refused to speak or look at any of them except Rosalie for some reason. Alice had a feeling she knew why, but she kept it to herself.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Esme asked, praying that her daughter's pain had lessened. Because Bella was a daughter to her, had been since the moment the family met her and she'd missed her so much.

The answer Bella gave was not one they had hoped for. "Dead." It was a single word, spoken in a flat, deadened tone of voice and if it had been possible, it would've sent shivers down the vampires spines.

"We need to talk, Bella. But first you need to eat. I'll be right back," Alice said and flitted out of the room, leaving Bella alone in the presence of her once surrogate mother and a girl she knew hated her guts. Oh how she wished she could just disappear and never be found again.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: First off, thanks for the reviews, they do make my day :) Second, longest chapter yet, yay! I figured I owed you a longer chapter after the last couple of short chapters. So here you find out Bella's story, there's a couple flashbacks but nothing graphic since this is a T rated story (that doesn't happen often with my stories, lol). Anyways, I hope you like what I've done here, please let me know what you think. And if you have any ideas about what you'd like to happen, tell them and I'll take them into consideration. I always like having the input of my readers.**_

* * *

**Chapter 4: Bella's Story**

"We need to talk, Bella," Alice said. She, Esme, Rosalie and Bella were all seated in the living room, Bella wrapped snugly under a blanket still trembling slightly. Bella looked away and didn't say a word, she simply wrapped the blanked more tightly around her too tight frame.

"Please, Bella. Tell us what happened after we left," Esme begged, her eyes stinging with tears of venom that would never fall. Bella sighed when she realized they wouldn't give up. They'd keep badgering her until she finally told them her story, so she might as well do it sooner rather than later. She had nothing left to lose anyway.

"When you left, I didn't do anything. I lay in bed all day or go to school. I didn't say or do anything. I was numb... broken," she started in a hollow voice, Esme and Alice flinched as she said this, knowing all of this was their fault.

"I was like this for about 4 months, but then I started spending time with Jake, and he made it a little better, even bearable for a little while," her voice cracked when she spoke Jake's name and the vampires wondered who this person was.

"Who's Jake?" Alice asked.

"Jacob Black. He's – _was_ – a werewolf. He was my best friend. He helped me get clean once."

"Bella, werewolves are not good company to keep!" Alice exclaimed, horrified that they left her to keep her safe only to have her spend time with those horrid dogs. Bella glared at Alice and Alice had the decency to look slightly ashamed; she had no right to judge after all.

"When did you start with the drugs, Bella?" Esme asked in a kind, soft tone of voice, no sign of judgment in it at all.

"There was a beach party on the Rez and someone brought some weed with him. I got high and that's when it happened," she said with a small smile as if these were good memories in time.

"What happened?" Rosalie asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

"I saw _him_.. and all of you. It was like none of you had ever left. I hadn't felt so alive in months." So that explained why Bella had ignored Alice at first, she'd thought she was seeing a hallucination.

Esme and Alice were ashamed that they had let everything get so far out of hand. They should have never left; they'd told Edward that Bella wouldn't just move on, they'd told him! Rosalie was still pretending she didn't care about Bella at all.

"At first I stuck with the weed, but after awhile it didn't do anything anymore. It wasn't strong enough. So I went to one of the shadier parts of Port Angeles and bought some heroin. I suppose it didn't take long before I was shooting up daily."

The vampires remained quiet as Bella spoke, wanting her to tell her entire story and fearing she would stop if they interrupted too much or said something she didn't like.

"Jake found out what I was doing and basically kidnapped me. He took me to this remote cabin and stayed with me while I went through withdrawals. He made me promise not to do it anymore and I promised, for him. And then he died." Bella stopped talking, wrapping her arms around her legs on the sofa, clearly trying to fight against the tears threatening to spill. It seemed she wasn't as dead inside when she was sober; no, she was just in pain now.

"How did he die?" Alice eventually asked when it was clear Bella had no intention of continuing her story. Bella stiffened and then spoke on word that shocked all three vampires.

"Victoria."

The vampires were shocked that Victoria had been involved. Hadn't she fled Forks after James had died? Why had she returned? Esme pleaded with Bella to tell them what happened, and eventually Bella did.

* * *

_Jake and Bella were hiking through the woods at Bella's insistence. They were still trying to find the meadow Bella had told Jake about; though Jake had no idea what this meadow meant to Bella. She hoped if she went there she might be able to see Edward again, even though she wasn't high anymore._

_Bella thought they were getting closer when they heard it. A cracking of twig close by, a soft growl carried through by the wind. Bella stilled, confused and Jacob stiffened as he smelled the air._

"_Vampire!" He spat out, a growl rumbling in his chest. Bella wrapped her arms around herself as she heard him, she couldn't stand to hear anything related to the Cullens without threatening to fall apart._

"_Stay here!" Jake ordered and he shifted and went after the scent. For a few minutes, Bella heard nothing. But then she heard loud growls, a high pitched keening, a loud whine and the sound of metal being torn apart. She couldn't help it, she ran to the origins of the sound._

_She didn't have to look hard, a fire was burning in the distance and she knew that was where Jake was. The only reason there could suddenly be a fire here was because Jake had just killed a vampire and had set it aflame. _

_When she reached the clearing, she gasped as her eyes fell on Jake, lying naked on the ground and clearly in pain. In the haze of the fire she could see the remnants of a head with flaming red hair – Victoria. Off course it had been her. Hadn't Laurent said that Victoria was after her, right before the wolves tore him to shreds?_

_She rushed over to Jacob and knelt down beside him. What was wrong with him? He wasn't speaking, only moaning in pain and wouldn't answer her when she asked where he was hurt. But then she saw it: a bite on his collarbone… a vampire bite! Jake had told her all about his kind, including the fact that vampire venom was toxic to werewolves. Once bitten, a werewolf would die within the hour, it worked so fast._

_Bella tried to suck the venom out, as Edward had done with her, but she couldn't. She wasn't strong enough and Jacob was dying._

"_Jake I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she cried over and over again, holding his hand, simply watching as he faded from this life, never to return again._

* * *

"…And then I started with the drugs again, they were the only thing that helped. They made me not feel and that was all I wanted." Bella shrugged, not meeting anyone's eyes. She was feeling now and she hated it. She wished she could have her drugs back so she could return to not feeling at all.

"Why didn't Charlie or Renee help you? How did you end up here?" Alice asked. For all her foresight, Alice didn't see any of this and she blamed herself for it. She should have looked.

"Renee tried but gave up after a while. I pushed her away and she was angry I was throwing my life away over a teenage romance. Charlie never gave up, though. He was worried sick all the time, constantly trying to help me. I killed him too." A sob ripped lose as Bella said this and all the vampires were even more shocked. Charlie had died as well? And why did Bella think she killed him? They didn't have to ask her, she explained.

"He had a heart attack a few months after… after Jake. The doctors said his heart couldn't take the stress anymore. I knew they meant that he couldn't take my behavior anymore. Renee came to the funeral and told me I wasn't coming back with her, not while I was still shooting up. She had a baby on the way and she couldn't let someone like me be around anymore. I didn't really care."

After the funeral, there wasn't much of Charlie's money left. I could've sold the house, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that, and I couldn't live in it anymore either, so I left. I went to Port Angeles and lived on the streets for a while. The little money I had I spend on the drugs."

"Bella, how did you become... I mean, how…" Esme tried to ask her question, but she was too flustered. How could she ask her daughter how she became a prostitute?

"How did I become a hooker, you mean?" Bella asked dryly, still looking down at her blanket and avoiding everybody's stares. Esme nodded.

"I was in Port Angeles for a couple weeks when I met Andy. He seemed a bit shady, but I thought he was harmless." She scoffed at her own words. "And when he offered me a place to stay, I accepted. He knew about my drug habit. He was quite the druggie himself."

"I'd been there for a few days when he showed me his true colors."

* * *

"_Bella, babe, I'm home and I brought company!" Andy yelled as he entered his dingy little apartment. Yes, he'd brought company. There were 5 men, all looked and smelled disgusting and they all had a look in their eyes that slightly terrified Bella, because she'd seen that look once before. When she'd been in Port Angeles and nearly raped and saved by Edward, she'd seen that same look in the faces of those men._

"_O-okay," she stammered, trying to make herself look smaller. She pushed back into the seat when Andy and one of the other men advanced._

"_These men have agreed to pay me graciously for your services tonight, after I've had the first turn off course," He said, leering at her. Bella's heart was racing and her mind was in a state of terror. Andy was pimping her out, it was as clear as day._

_Bella started shaking; she couldn't let them do this! Her body was meant for one man and one man only, but he'd left, so she'd resolved herself to a life of solitude and abstinence. She'd have to fight back, there was no other way. But looking at the men before her, she knew it was a fight she'd lose._

_Andy grabbed her wrist, hoisted her up from the couch and dragged her to the bedroom, all the way ignoring her pleas for mercy and her weak struggles._

* * *

"I was too weak to fight them. I never had a chance. When I woke up, I left the apartment and fled as fast as I could. That's when I came here," Bella paused and briefly chanced a look at the faces of the vampires. Esme and Alice looked heartbroken and Rosalie had a pained, enraged look upon her face that Bella didn't understand.

"When I got to Seattle I just gave up, I suppose. There was nothing left in me. I needed money and I needed a place to stay. And that's when I figured I could just sell my body for money. I'd already lost everything and I just didn't care anymore. I still don't care."

And as Bella finished her story no one knew what to say. Everything this girl had been through, everything was their fault. If they hadn't left, Bella would be happy now and with Edward. Her friend Jacob might not have died, her dad might not have died. And Bella wouldn't have been raped. They left her alone, broken and unprotected and this was the end result.

The three vampires looked at each other and they could see they were all thinking the same, even Rosalie – off course Rosalie would think differently now that she knew what happened. The would help Bella, at any cost.


End file.
